Whatever the form, love is an incredible motivator and help to the recovering porn addict. Porn desensitizes other pleasures when it takes over our reward circuit. This includes intimate conversations, touching, hugging, kissing, feeling love, and real sex. All of these great things are numbed by the porn. Quitting porn gives you the opportunity to really feel these things. To really share these things with another person. To make that deeper connection.
For those already in relationships they find their relationship improves dramatically after they quit porn. The love is deeper, the simple pleasures mean more, they have more intimate conversations, and the sex is better. Love can be helpful to the recovering porn addict on so many levels. First, love and relationship provide reward and therefore dopamine to the brain. This makes you feel good and helps in conjunction with other rewarding activities, like mini-goals and exercise, to ward off desire for porn. You won’t need that “reward” as you’ll be finding fulfillment in other aspects of your life.
One word of caution though, I’m talking about love specifically. Sex is a part of love but for many porn addicts it may be a good idea to avoid sex for a while. Some do and some don’t. However, engaging in sex before your brain has recovered may result in you having porn fantasies during sex or porn-induced erectile dysfunction. It may be a good idea to wait six months or so after quitting porn before having sex. This will help to ensure the sex is free of porn influence, especially if you are recovering for the first time.
An additional benefit of love is that it inspires us to be more. To be a better person for ourselves and our partner. It is someone to share your deepest feelings with. Someone to share your life with. The power of this is as motivation is incredible as many have acknowledged. Here’s just one example of testimony from a recovered porn addict on the improvements in his life and the power of love:
Finally, I would like to take a chance to share my own experience. What has really helped me to never look back to porn was a blossoming love in my life. I was porn-free but in the earlier stages where depression could set in at night and prove difficult. I met her on-line and just talking to her brought me so much happiness. We shared deep thoughts and feelings and our conversations prolonged for an eternity. She first coined her benefit to me as “talking to peculiar strangers that I appreciate”. I would say it is so much more than that. I want to continue to improve myself, to stay porn free, and to be more productive for myself, but also for her. Because of her I know that I will never go back. She is my motivation, my incentive, my joy. I love her.
Have an experience where love helped you with your addiction? Please share in the comments.